Inside & Out
by Terrifica Oneiroi
Summary: It started with Duct tape. Duct tape and knickers. The Doctor fiddles with a supposed "body-swapping" device, and both he and Rose end up with an intimate understanding of one another. 9Rose Humor Fluff
1. Chapter 1

netgirly2k wrote this amazing story called "And You've Got Their Shoes", which is about Donna and the Doctor getting into trouble with a body-swapping machine, and I just couldn't help but doing it with the Doctor and Rose.

9th Doctor and Rose.

Disclaimer: All proper nouns are © BBC ™

* * *

It wasn't often that Rose had trouble getting to sleep. Usually, the Doctor and her ended up running for their lives, and it was fantastic, yes, but bloody _tiring_. The running, the laughing, the flirting, perhaps a bit of panicking, and oh yes, more _running_… well, it was usually 'lights out' as soon as her head hit the pillow.

And last night was no different. They'd been flying laterally, something the TARDIS didn't often do, and _wham_… a tractor beam. It was very _Spock_. Of course, the Doctor didn't appreciate her pointing that out. The warring race of the Osmosians of Osmoid 7 were planning on capturing the caravan of the president from Osmoid 6.

In the true Doctor and Rose style, they uncovered a rather ridiculous looking machine which the Osmosians of Osmoid 7 claimed was a body-swapping device. Rose thought the thing looked a bit daft, held together with Duct tape. (The Doctor insisted that Duct tape was an alien invention, but Rose had to wonder, because those Osmosians looked like they weren't sure how the stuff worked. Not that humans really knew how it worked either, come to think of it.)

After the usual round of foiling heinous plots, the Osmosian President (Osmoid 6) asked the Doctor if he could perhaps dispose of the ridiculous looking "body-swapping machine". The TARDIS, having infinite room for any kind of junk that happened to catch the Doctor's attention became a storage container for a brand new body-swapping machine (and its' duct tape).

Rose smiled to herself as she remembered the Doctor's face bringing the thing on board. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning. When she'd said goodnight to him, he'd grunted from somewhere under the machine, sonic screwdriver sticking out of his mouth.

And then Rose paused. And she smiled again. She ran her tongue over her teeth, and she felt her forehead crease. Something wasn't right. Her teeth felt strange. They didn't feel like her teeth. She opened her eyes and shot straight up.

The room she was in certainly wasn't the room she'd gone to sleep in. It was dark, and the bed was _huge_. The walls were a dark red color, and there was junk everywhere. There were a few desks, an armoire, and a… claw footed bathtub? Strange. She was in the Doctor's room. And her brain was especially slow this morning, so the first thing she thought of was "did we have sex?" When she looked around, she noticed that she was alone. (Should she be disappointed by that?)

Of course, when looking around, she also looked down at the bed, and her mouth fell open. In front of her were long, male legs that certainly hadn't been there last night. And they were attached to male hips, and a male waist, and a male chest. And as Rose Tyler's brain was especially slow right after waking, it took her a full minute to realize exactly what had happened, and where she was.

When she did realize it, she fell back onto the bed, groaning. It must be a Monday, back on Earth. Because stuff like this, it only happens on Mondays. Rose had always intended to ask the Doctor if there was some cosmic rule that Mondays had to be horrible, because it seemed like every sort of aggravating thing fell on a Monday.

And suddenly being inside of the Doctor's body… well, that was pretty aggravating. She finally understood what Mickey had always said about his morning _problems_. She forced herself to look away. It felt so flipping wrong, like she was some sort of peeping Tom. She wondered if the Doctor had realized what had happened yet. And yet, when she realized exactly how little she'd worn to bed last night, she smirked.

"How the _bloody_ hell did this happen? _Rose_?"

* * *

The Doctor didn't often need sleep. His _amazing_ Time Lord Physiology kept him from needing sleep. Once every few days, he would take a kip, just a few hours to recharge. He usually took his little power naps when Rose was asleep. No point in wasting what few hours of the day her inferior human body allowed her to be awake.

Normally, the Doctor just fell into bed and was out. But strangely, this morning, he found himself reluctant to open his eyes. His bed felt much more soft and warm than he remembered, and he was sure that Rose wasn't up yet. It couldn't hurt to lie in a bit. He turned his head, brushing against the pillow under his head. It was _soft_. When had his pillows ever been this soft before? And it felt like it was fuzzy. Some sort of fur or hair or something was tickling his face and neck.

And then there was that smell. It was a familiar smell, _so_ familiar, yet he couldn't place it for the life of him. It was a bit floral.

Rose.

Ah, that's what it smelled like. Rose always had a sort of unique smell about her, not unpleasant at all, just utterly _Rose_. He'd once demanded to know what kind of perfume she used. She'd just shrugged and said that she used lotion mostly, because perfume doesn't last long when you're running from aliens. That, and it had gotten them into trouble with the Kerlap people, who had extremely sensitive olfactory systems (and pointy spears, it should be noted).

The Doctor's brain was in quite better shape than Rose's, but still he jumped to the first conclusion he could muster. Why would his pillow smell like Rose unless she had been in his bed for a period of time? (That shouldn't appeal to him, not at all.) His eyes shot open, and with them, he leaped from the bed.

Since when was his room _pink_?

Since he wasn't in his room at all, it seemed. He was in Rose's room. She had clothes strewn all about the place, and hanging over the chair was that Union Flag tee shirt she'd just bought, but not wore yet. There were bottles of nail varnish on the side table, and a few pictures. Curiosity got the better of him and he poked around in the drawer.

And slammed it shut immediately when he got a glimpse of his hand. And his _chest_.

Rassilon's Rod, he had _breasts_. When did he get those? He didn't remember getting them. And he was pretty sure he would remember something like that.

One: he was in Rose's room.  
Two: He woke in Rose's bed.  
Three: He had breasts.  
Four: He'd been fiddling with that supposed "body-swapping" machine last night before nodding off.

He shuffled to the mirror, not really _wanting_ to see what had happened, but _needing_ to.

And there it was, all five foot five inches of curvy, blonde Rose Tyler. And he was in her body. And she was wearing a rather thin nightshirt that didn't even cover her knickers. _And you should _not_ be looking at that without permission, you idiot Time Lord._

"How the _bloody_ hell did this happen?"

And if he was in her body…

"_Rose?"_

It wasn't the right time to notice that when he took a breath to yell for her, his… _her_ chest pushed against the tee shirt. Huh, bra-less. _Stop that, you pervert!_ He shook his head and strode out of the bedroom purposefully. He _had_ to know what had caused this.

Stupid Duct tape.

* * *

Mwa ha ha! First part of a silly humor/romance fic. Body-swapping is amazing, thanks netgirly2k for the idea!


	2. Chapter 2

netgirly2k wrote this amazing story called "And You've Got Their Shoes", which is about Donna and the Doctor getting into trouble with a body-swapping machine, and I just couldn't help but doing it with the Doctor and Rose.

9th Doctor and Rose.

Disclaimer: All proper nouns are © BBC ™

* * *

Rose wanted to get up, really, she did. But to tell the truth, she was sort of… afraid. If she saw _him_, she knew she'd have trouble looking the Doctor in the eye. She didn't even know if he wore anything to bed. She was trying to focus on something other than that. _Anything_ other than that. Of course, when he came storming into his room, she'd had trouble containing her laughter anyways.

She'd never known it was possible to stand like that. She didn't want to laugh, really. But then he crossed her arms. It was a classic "Doctor" move, something that was familiar to him, but now he had breasts. _Her_ breasts. And she could almost see the penny drop when he realized that he was touching her breasts.

Wow, though, could she blush. It was funny, this 'being in each other's bodies' thing. It was much more effective than a mirror. It was kind of like watching yourself on the telly. It's you, obviously. You see yourself in the mirror every morning. But still, it just doesn't seem like _you_. In this case, it wasn't really her at all.

And the Doctor looked more and more uncomfortable by the moment.

"If you're done laughing…"

This, of course, made her laugh harder. It was essentially the Doctor, but it was _her_ voice she heard reprimanding her. By this time, she had been laughing for too long, and his hearts were pounding furiously.

Oh, wow. So _that_ is what having two hearts felt like. It was like some strange dance beat you'd find in a rave/disco, one that nobody could possibly dance to, but instead they just jumped around.

"This isn't funny, Rose!"

She grinned, not quite getting used to the feel of his teeth and his tongue.

"It is from where I'm standing."

Oh good lord, he sounded so…

"I sound gay! _You_ sound gay! Oh, this is fantastic."

She'd almost gotten that the way he usually said it, which had a way of making people grin at his antics. However, the Doctor wasn't smiling. He was glaring. And he was being very careful to not cross her arms again.

"You're in my body, and all you have to say is that I sound gay?"

"The two-heart thing kind of threw me off, at first."

He gave her an incredulous look.

"_That's_ the first thing you noticed was different?"

"No, new teeth. It was weird."

He rolled her eyes, and she realized that she looked just like her mum when he did that. Must remember to never do that again.

"The whole "I'm a nineteen year old female human trapped in a 900 year old male alien's body" thing didn't hit you until the teeth?"

She knew what he was going for, of course she did. And she sure as hell wasn't going to be the first one to admit that she'd gotten a lay of the land, so to speak.

"Teeth are important."

He shook her head at her.

"Incredible."

"You're awfully confident, standing there in my knickers."

She was so mean. She'd tricked him. Mention knickers around a man, whether he's an alien or not, and he's going to look down. And he didn't disappoint.

Oi, there went that blush again.

"So, Doctor, how are we gonna get out of this mess? I mean, after you go get dressed, obviously."

He smirked at her, which was just plain creepy, with her mouth. She looked practically sinister. _Must remember that look for intimidation_.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm kind of getting used to this body."

"Oi! You'd better not be getting _too_ used to it."

"Of course not!"

The Doctor was sort of adorable when he was embarrassed, but Rose found that she much preferred him in his own body. She looked downright silly.

"Any idea what went wrong?"

"It had to be that body-swapping machine."

"I'm telling you, Duct tape is evil."

"There wasn't just Duct tape under there, there were paper clips and chewing gum. Search me how those Osmosians got a hold of chewing gum in the first place. Humans haven't reached this far yet."

"Are you saying that chewing gum is an alien thing, too?"

"I suppose so. Huh, the things you learn."

Rose nodded. And then winced.

"I just learned that you apparently have to use the loo right after waking up."

The Doctor looked down at her, frowning.

"How do you know that?"

Rose rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm getting the call of nature right now, and it's not all that great of a feeling."

The Doctor looked farther down, realization dawning, before he stammered.

"Oh, uh. Well then. I guess you'd better…"

He gestured towards the restroom that connected to his bedroom.

"I guess I had, yeah."

The Doctor continued to stand there. Rose raised her eyebrows at him.

"What?"

"A little privacy?"

The Doctor looked confused.

"But it's my body."

"And?"

"And, I already know what it looks like."

"And in a few minutes, _I'm_ gonna know what it looks like. You wanna be in the room when _that_ conversation comes up?"

His eyes widened.

"Right. I'm going to go… get dressed, I suppose. Yeah."

He shuffled out of the room awkwardly, only stopping once when Rose called out to him.

"Find a good bra. My back'll be killing me if you don't."

When he looked back at her, she had gotten up, the sheet still attached firmly to his body. She really wasn't sure what that whole peeing standing up thing was about, but it would be… interesting. She pictured the Doctor staring at the toilet in her body, wondering how he was supposed to use it, and she laughed.

For years, you'd hear women bitch about how they wished that men could understand what it was like being a woman. Now, she actually had that chance.

She walked into the bathroom, and her eyes widened. His bathroom was _so_ much bigger than hers. Didn't that just figure? A man who rarely changed his jumper and had less than a half-inch of hair had one of those decadent Grecian baths.

Spotting the toilet, she cringed. She wasn't an idiot. She obviously knew what using it involved, but the idea of the actual mechanics sent a rush of heat to her face, and strangely enough, her ears. Maybe if she stood very close and turned her head, she wouldn't have to touch it or look at it. Cleaning up the mess she made would be preferable to actually getting "hands on".

She was contemplating exactly how to maneuver herself when a cry came from down the hall. It took every effort to not turn away in the middle of taking care of her business, because he sounded so frightened. She couldn't imagine what sort of trouble he had found in the last minute.

She jiggled herself around just a bit and hastily wrapped the bedding around herself again. While running down the corridor, she wondered at the length of his legs. No wonder he could cover so much more ground than her when they were fleeing the scene.

She ran into her room. The bathroom door was closed, so she pounded it with her hand.

"What's wrong?"

The silence stretched out for several long moments before a timid whisper reached her ears.

"I'm _bleeding_, Rose."

* * *

Peace, Love, and Reviews! (Especially that last one!)


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